A Writing Life: Is Better Really What Is Best?

Monday, August 29, 2016

Is Better Really What Is Best?

I was looking at my phone the other day and all the apps I have. I'm ashamed to admit the amount of ones I have that track things. I don't even want to think how much time in a day I spend typing in information all in an attempt to "better" myself.

Is better really what's best? 

Don't get me wrong. It's good to have some self improvement going on in life, but if I'm always trying to improve am I ever enjoying what is? Am I ever able to say, "things are good. Who I am is good." 

We are taking our oldest child (The Girl Child) to college next week. I'm a horrid mess, but that's another blog. (See http://thealmostemptynester.blogspot.com for details) I've battled guilt every day for the past week because I'm not working out as much as I normally do, not tracking how much water I'm having, not tracking my food (I like to keep my sugar consumption low), and basically ignoring all the things that don't have to do with her or her brothers, my husband and my home. 

And I'm so freaking happy.

Will I be this way forever? No. I have work to do and things to get done. Will I continue to improve my writing as best I can? Of course. Will I get up each day and give all I can to care for myself, my family, and be productive in my work? Yes. Absolutely. But I can do all those things as I am. I don't need to keep looking towards some other me that's out there that some crazy voice in my head says is better. I'm pretty "best" as is, I think.

I think it's time we give ourselves some grace. 

I read recently that we don't trust ourselves anymore. I love that. We don't trust ourselves to make healthy choices with food. We don't trust that we'll make the decisions we need to make in life that are positive. Why? When did we stop believing that who we are is enough? 

And here's a funny side note - I'm still drinking water, I'm still going on walks so I'm not sedentary (with The Girl Child or The Hubby or the dog), I'm enjoying meals with her (we shared a lobster omelette the other day that was ridonkulous) and generally soaking it all in. 

I'm loving life instead of tracking it.

Again, trying to better myself is not a bad thing. Keeping track of stuff helps me stay focused. But if I'm so dialed in to some person or way of life I want to be or have, am I ignoring who I am and what I actually do have? Because I don't want that.  Who I am and what I have is pretty great.

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